Some people use an egg timer. Others use a watch. The other day, after being put on hold for the fifth time in eight hours, in an attempt to make an appointment for a doctor’s visit through my alleged health care provider, I decided to use my porn site as a crude timing device. It was a two and a half minute vid of ‘Extremely hot French wife stripping and making love’.
As would be expected, and in spite of my painfully slow DSL connection, the porn downloaded before someone answered the phone.
“Hello, I need to make an appointment for an exam’
“I need your name and account number” (she was sporting a huge amount of expressively delightful boredom lack of concern suppressed rage apathy unknown emotion)
After giving her the info, as well as my fucking birth date, social, address and penis girth dimensions, I was told, again as blandly as baby food for a diabetic, “Sir, you are not in our system.”
SIR, YOU ARE NOT IN OUR SYSTEM. Please remember those words, as they have resonated in my universe with such force that you too, will feel a keen sense of rage about my healthcare provider, even though you have no idea who or where they are located. Even people in China hate my healthcare provider, okay?
Oh, and did you know that jerking off is a great remedy for NOT BEING IN OUR SYSTEM? It is, because at least the porn site lets me finish something.
